I have taken the challenge. I will write something based on the prompts everyday for 30 days. Unfortunately, I am joining a little late, Day 11, to be exact. So, I will keep up with each day for the next 19 days, and catch up on the first 10 days. I will be tweeting or blogging or both.
Check out the site here: http://ralphwaldoemerson.me/
Friday, June 10, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Rockstar Days
I know as a mom, that I have amazing days. Days where I think that I could do it all and take over the world, all while taking care of my other responsibilities. It is amazing when you think "I got this, no problem!" You can conquer it all. Finish a project at work in time to get to daycare to pick up the children, cook dinner, have quality play time, and a peaceful bedtime routine. The days where you can verbally say "AHHHHH." These are Rockstar Days. And they are awesome!
But, they can't all be Rockstar Days. At least, that is what I say to myself and to M. You know the days where you can't even put make up on because you can't fathom where you will find the time. Or, iron your children's clothes. Or, declare pizza night because if you have to do one more thing, you may burst. First, breathe. Stop. Be in the present moment. This is not the time to continuously review the to-do list, or check the calendar. Do what you can do and be okay with it. Focus on what is most important at this time. If you are at work, focus on work. If you are at home with your kids, focus on the kids. Remember, we have today ... today. On these hard days, remember that. It is today. Tomorrow is tomorrow.
This post is inspired by all of those wonderful conversations I have been having lately. It really seems that when I am down, someone is strong enough to pick me up and inspire me. Luckily, I have been surrounded by those amazing women lately. I hope that now that I am having stronger days, I am able to pick them up when they need it. Two things I learned this week: First, don't let it get to the point of explosion. When you are strong, feeling like the Rockstar you are, try to make a journal of why it is a Rockstar day. What are you doing? What do you feel? What is going on around you? I highly doubt that your children are acting like angels on that day and that is the reason. It is perspective, so what is your perspective on those days?
Second, if it does explode, use it for a catalyst for change. Don't explode and then revert back to old behaviors when you feel strong again. Think about what pushed you over the edge. What changes would help you to not explode again? What actions can you put into place? Maybe the hardest one (at least for me), where do you need help? Did you hear that? Ask for HELP. You are not superwoman. Not even on your Rockstar days. You need HELP. We all do. Maybe your kids need more chores. Maybe your husband needs to step it up. Maybe someone to come and clean. Maybe a scheduled date night or girls night. Build your resilience tank. Fill it up regularly. Don't be like me and let your tank go to "E" before filling up (this is true of my actual gas tank and my life and I resolve to change both).
I know for a fact that this post is true whether or not you work outside the home or not. Have kids or not. It is just life as usual. We all have long to-do lists with way too much on them, not enough sleep or "me" time.
But, they can't all be Rockstar Days. At least, that is what I say to myself and to M. You know the days where you can't even put make up on because you can't fathom where you will find the time. Or, iron your children's clothes. Or, declare pizza night because if you have to do one more thing, you may burst. First, breathe. Stop. Be in the present moment. This is not the time to continuously review the to-do list, or check the calendar. Do what you can do and be okay with it. Focus on what is most important at this time. If you are at work, focus on work. If you are at home with your kids, focus on the kids. Remember, we have today ... today. On these hard days, remember that. It is today. Tomorrow is tomorrow.
This post is inspired by all of those wonderful conversations I have been having lately. It really seems that when I am down, someone is strong enough to pick me up and inspire me. Luckily, I have been surrounded by those amazing women lately. I hope that now that I am having stronger days, I am able to pick them up when they need it. Two things I learned this week: First, don't let it get to the point of explosion. When you are strong, feeling like the Rockstar you are, try to make a journal of why it is a Rockstar day. What are you doing? What do you feel? What is going on around you? I highly doubt that your children are acting like angels on that day and that is the reason. It is perspective, so what is your perspective on those days?
Second, if it does explode, use it for a catalyst for change. Don't explode and then revert back to old behaviors when you feel strong again. Think about what pushed you over the edge. What changes would help you to not explode again? What actions can you put into place? Maybe the hardest one (at least for me), where do you need help? Did you hear that? Ask for HELP. You are not superwoman. Not even on your Rockstar days. You need HELP. We all do. Maybe your kids need more chores. Maybe your husband needs to step it up. Maybe someone to come and clean. Maybe a scheduled date night or girls night. Build your resilience tank. Fill it up regularly. Don't be like me and let your tank go to "E" before filling up (this is true of my actual gas tank and my life and I resolve to change both).
I know for a fact that this post is true whether or not you work outside the home or not. Have kids or not. It is just life as usual. We all have long to-do lists with way too much on them, not enough sleep or "me" time.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Perspective and The Happiness Tank
In the newest issue of "Working Mother," they highlight the 10 secrets to happiness (see here). I wasn't really surprised by the news, but I do work in the field of Positive Psychology and am knee deep in the happiness research as I write (or something like writing) my dissertation proposal. Sidebar: Oh, and I have to admit when I saw the cover, I was a little annoyed thinking they stole my dissertation topic. I got over it. Back to my revelations. What I was surprised about was how much it made me reflect on my life. Yesterday, I saw this blog post on the Power of Moms blog. The key line that stood out was this, "If money can solve your problems, then you don't have any problems." I did a quick list in my head of my "problems." Instantly, my problems are gone! Poof! Well, not so fast. I did, however, have a new perspective.
For the past 24 hours, I have been reflecting on my thoughts and putting them in perspective. The combination of the above references have given me a spin that I did not have yet. I have heard tons of times, you get stuff, then you want more stuff. The word "stuff" can really be replaced with anything, money, etc. So what really matters? Family, friends, love, etc., but we already know that. The real question is how do we live it?
How do we stop keeping up with the Joneses? How do we stop comparing our children? Our careers? Is it a matter of identity? Self-concept? Self-confidence? I don't know the answer, but I do know that I want to break the cycle with my family. Living in the now, focusing on what we do have and not on what we want.
How do we really know what we want, anyway? Everything we see is mirage, and once you actually get "it," it never looks quite like we thought it would. This could go either way: we are happy with what we get or not.
I am thinking back to the quote "If money can solve your problems, then you don't have any problems." If this is true, then could we also say that "if what you want costs money, then it won't make you happy?" Sidebar: I am making the assumption that all basic needs are covered (food, shelter, clothing, etc). So, buying the next greatest piece of something won't really fill your happiness tank, will it? Sure, maybe in the short term, but in terms of long term happiness, once the initial newness wears off, you will probably be back to the same level of happiness you were when you just wanted that thing.
How do we figure out what really fills our happiness tank? I am using the "money factor" to reflect on it - meaning that if my thoughts of happiness return to something that costs money, then it is taken off the list. I am pretty sure that once I make this mental shift that I will find that my happiness tank is pretty full (and, it didn't even cost me anything!).
Tell me, how what fills your happiness tank?
For the past 24 hours, I have been reflecting on my thoughts and putting them in perspective. The combination of the above references have given me a spin that I did not have yet. I have heard tons of times, you get stuff, then you want more stuff. The word "stuff" can really be replaced with anything, money, etc. So what really matters? Family, friends, love, etc., but we already know that. The real question is how do we live it?
How do we stop keeping up with the Joneses? How do we stop comparing our children? Our careers? Is it a matter of identity? Self-concept? Self-confidence? I don't know the answer, but I do know that I want to break the cycle with my family. Living in the now, focusing on what we do have and not on what we want.
How do we really know what we want, anyway? Everything we see is mirage, and once you actually get "it," it never looks quite like we thought it would. This could go either way: we are happy with what we get or not.
I am thinking back to the quote "If money can solve your problems, then you don't have any problems." If this is true, then could we also say that "if what you want costs money, then it won't make you happy?" Sidebar: I am making the assumption that all basic needs are covered (food, shelter, clothing, etc). So, buying the next greatest piece of something won't really fill your happiness tank, will it? Sure, maybe in the short term, but in terms of long term happiness, once the initial newness wears off, you will probably be back to the same level of happiness you were when you just wanted that thing.
How do we figure out what really fills our happiness tank? I am using the "money factor" to reflect on it - meaning that if my thoughts of happiness return to something that costs money, then it is taken off the list. I am pretty sure that once I make this mental shift that I will find that my happiness tank is pretty full (and, it didn't even cost me anything!).
Tell me, how what fills your happiness tank?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Never-Ending To-Do List
I surrender. No longer do I try to have a complete to-do list. It's kind of like the never-ending laundry, just when you think your done -- something else is now dirty. Maybe I should have M and A run around the house naked so there is no chance of dirty clothes or diapers. Back to my to-do list. I keep this perpetual list of "things to do." There are several categories: House, Shopping/Errands, Work, Teaching, and School. With this much going on, there will always be something to do! If I live and die by this list, I will never sit down or relax. Perhaps I am organizing myself into a constant state of frenzy and anxiety. There is no possible way that I can do everything on this list! Even if I managed to finish it, inevitability something else will need to be on some list.
Long ago (okay probably like 6 months ago), I surrendered to the ideal of "good enough is good enough." It is working great! It has really helped me with my perfectionist tendencies. I have done well and well is well.
How do we find the time and the mind space to relax? How do we clear our heads of the perpetual to-do list and let it go?
Long ago (okay probably like 6 months ago), I surrendered to the ideal of "good enough is good enough." It is working great! It has really helped me with my perfectionist tendencies. I have done well and well is well.
How do we find the time and the mind space to relax? How do we clear our heads of the perpetual to-do list and let it go?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Burning the Candle at Both Ends
AKA, my LIFE! I know we all feel this way. I feel like I am going and never stopping. Trying to be all things to all people and commitments in my life. While I was rocking M to sleep (actually, he was already asleep cuddled onto me and I was not ready to let go for the day), I was thinking about all that I am doing and actually considering quitting school. Now, logically this makes NO logical sense because I am SO close. Hopefully just a year away of those precious 3 letters to follow my name (which by the way, I will flaunt way too much just because I CAN). So, I was thinking about all that I need to do in the next year to get there and then add in all of the other stuff that I do and yikes, it is overwhelming.
As I was thinking about it, I thought, "what if M came to me and asked me what to do, what would I tell him?" It is interesting because I can't quit school, because there is no way I would want him to know how close I got only to walk away. What kind of lesson is that to him? I don't want him to be stressed or overwhelmed like me, but sometimes it just has to be that way. I always tell myself that if it were easy to become a PhD, then more people would do it (only 3% or so of the population has one). I could list all of the cliches here about how it's not worth anything if you don't work for it, but you get the point.
So, I laid him down to sleep and I came to the computer to work on my latest paper. I won't quit for now. My journey to Mama PhD continues on!
As I was thinking about it, I thought, "what if M came to me and asked me what to do, what would I tell him?" It is interesting because I can't quit school, because there is no way I would want him to know how close I got only to walk away. What kind of lesson is that to him? I don't want him to be stressed or overwhelmed like me, but sometimes it just has to be that way. I always tell myself that if it were easy to become a PhD, then more people would do it (only 3% or so of the population has one). I could list all of the cliches here about how it's not worth anything if you don't work for it, but you get the point.
So, I laid him down to sleep and I came to the computer to work on my latest paper. I won't quit for now. My journey to Mama PhD continues on!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Mommy Guilt.
Mommy guilt. We all have it on some level or another. For one reason or another. It varies in degrees from one day to the next. Today I have it because I was sick yesterday and super tired. When M decided it was a good idea to wake at 2 and stay up until 4, I thought it was a BAD idea. I sobbed while trying to coax him back to sleep. A rocked him for about 40 mins, then brought him to our bed with no luck. So, I rocked him with no luck, then brought him to our bed. He finally fell back to sleep in blissful cuddliness. Don't judge, we LOVE having him in our bed. Problem followed that we then slept too late. I then realized that I forgot to make his lunch and snacks for school today. This on top of the normal craziness. By the time we got out the door, it was 8:20AM. That is an hour and a half later than we should be leaving. My house was a mess. My nerves shot. And my train long gone without me. So, I mentally prepare myself for the rush hour madness into the city. I finally arrived at my destination at 9:20AM. Yikes, what a way to start the day. Surprisingly, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful.
I spent a lot of time today reflecting on how I am doing as a mother. Now, I am pretty sure that this has nothing to do with the fact that I work. I know this because I have friends who don't and they have the same questions. So here goes my list of what I feel guilty about:
So, I am releasing today's mommy guilt. I am sure it will find it's way back to me soon enough. I just hope it doesn't stick around for too long.
I spent a lot of time today reflecting on how I am doing as a mother. Now, I am pretty sure that this has nothing to do with the fact that I work. I know this because I have friends who don't and they have the same questions. So here goes my list of what I feel guilty about:
- Do I spend enough one-on-one time with M? (Answer: Yes.)
- Do I provide M with enough love? (Answer: Yes.)
- I wish I had more patience in the middle of the night. (Answer: Well, I don't.)
- Should I worry that M likes to sweep the floors for hours on end? (Answer: No.)
- Would I be a better mom if I didn't work or go to school? (Answer: No, I don't think so.)
- Does M get enough hugs at school? (Answer: Yes.)
So, I am releasing today's mommy guilt. I am sure it will find it's way back to me soon enough. I just hope it doesn't stick around for too long.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Making it ALL work
We working moms know how much we have to do in a single day, week and month. Most of the time these tasks are floating in our head. We struggle with staying focused on a single task while the others fight for our attention. As I bathe a screaming M, I am thinking about the paper that needs writing or the dishes that need washing or the proposal that needs revisions. Then there is the struggle to remember something that just came up, so we stop to do what we are doing to quick jot it down. So back to bathing M, and I notice that the floor needs cleaning and I wonder when was the last time those were scrubbed? Oh wait, I need to make M's lunch for tomorrow. And so it goes. Once the bath is done and M is calmed down and in his jammies, we read and rock as he drifts off to sweet sleep. So off to bed I go for a nice night's sleep. Yeah right. I wish! So, I do laundry, dishes, write papers, work, prep lunches, and the list continues. Once my head hits the pillow, I lay there thinking about what is still left to be done. In my mind I go through the various lists that I have in various places. Sometimes, I end up getting out of bed to write my list for the next day. One day a few weeks ago, I sat for over an HOUR looking at lists. A list for this and a list for that. There has to be a better way of managing all of these tasks. I have used written lists, excel spreadsheets, post-its--you name it! These have done the job, so to speak, but not to the efficiency that I would like.
As a self-described technology addict, I have found that the use of these technologies are causing me stress. Duh. I could have figured that out sooner if I would have just looked in the mirror. I have been trying to figure out a way to balance all of my responsibilities. I went on an App hunt for my iPhone and found 2 that seem to be doing a really good job: a shopping list app and a home chores app. Been using both for a few weeks and it is going well. I like that the home chores get split over the month so I do not feel overwhelmed to get it all done and just thinking that the entire house needs scrubbing. I can email or text the list to Anthony so he can work through it, too. It would be really cool if we could each have the app and then just sync back and forth. The shopping list app is great! I can organize by store or category. The app was FREE and highly customizable--Perfect!
So back to my issue of balancing it all. It's a work in progress and I am looking for ways to simplify it. I look forward to comments on how others do it! Managing that never-ending to-do list is exhausting!!!
As a self-described technology addict, I have found that the use of these technologies are causing me stress. Duh. I could have figured that out sooner if I would have just looked in the mirror. I have been trying to figure out a way to balance all of my responsibilities. I went on an App hunt for my iPhone and found 2 that seem to be doing a really good job: a shopping list app and a home chores app. Been using both for a few weeks and it is going well. I like that the home chores get split over the month so I do not feel overwhelmed to get it all done and just thinking that the entire house needs scrubbing. I can email or text the list to Anthony so he can work through it, too. It would be really cool if we could each have the app and then just sync back and forth. The shopping list app is great! I can organize by store or category. The app was FREE and highly customizable--Perfect!
So back to my issue of balancing it all. It's a work in progress and I am looking for ways to simplify it. I look forward to comments on how others do it! Managing that never-ending to-do list is exhausting!!!
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